Becoming and living a fearless life requires we understand the following;
Why living a fearless life is important
What fear really is.
A decision has to be made to live a fearless life.
Taking certain actions is part of that process.
Living a fearless life can be synonymised with living a healthier life psychologically, which can propel you to achieving way beyond your dreams. Living a fearless life does not mean you will not have experiences that evoke fear.
However, when those frightening experiences present themselves and your body begins to cower (a natural process) you will be in control, you will be able to reframe the meaning of the experience and define it as you wish; (i.e.) not allow your brain and body to default into that nasty negative feeling within. Thus, you learn to reduce the number of times you feel fear, and if and when you feel it, you reduce the refractory time of fear.
Adopting a fearless attitude heightens your resilience. The more resilient you are, the more you conquer and then more audacious you become. You enter an ever-growing confidence, competence cycle. You get better at managing your mind as a result of your confidence, and this then increases your competence which then makes you even more confident.
The spiral cycle of competence and confidence goes on.
How to become fearless.
1. Understand the, Why.
The first step is to ask yourself;
Why must I become fearless?
Why is becoming fearless important to me?
The way to get to your WHY is by exploring what living in fear is costing you.
This is the first stage of understanding the WHY.
The reason WHY is important is because most people do not change for no reason, there must be a WHY. Without a motivation real change cannot happen. The motivation is usually either a pain or a pleasure.
That’s why we go through the process of asking the question “what is this fear costing me”. As we answer that, we realise the pain that fear is causing us and the pleasure it is preventing us from enjoying.
To identify the WHY needs our conscious attention.
So do this;
Name all the things you would do if you were not afraid.
When you utterly understand what fear is costing you, then you are more open to releasing it and addressing it because you see it as the thief it really is; robbing the abundant life you know deeply within you deserve.
Most of us know and can identify and are able to articulate what we would do if we had absolutely no fear.
2. Understand what fear really is.
What really is fear ?
Fear is an emotional response towards what could go wrong or that which is perceived as threatening. Remember this is just a thought attribution. It’s the thought that something is a threat that creates the feeling of fear. The truth is, we don’t know for sure whether the occurrence will actually be harmful or go wrong but because the body’s native response is to protect us from danger of the unknown or even the known, fear is the native response. The brain quickly labels something as a possible disappointment or threat in order to protect us. So, we feel that negative feeling of fear so that we don’t advance towards the supposed danger.
That's really what fear is!
3. Making the decision to direct your feelings.
You and I must make the decision to control fear and this requires self -regulation.
A decision; I will not allow fear to control me.
Without a resolve to begin a journey nothing ever gets started.
In physics we know nothing moves until something moves. Making the decision is the ignition. It gives you permission to then start stepping on the gas and drive off to the next stage; which is taking appropriate actions. Actions that reframe and recalibrate your thoughts and feelings.
4. Taking actions
To shift from fear to actually living a fearless life requires us to take actual steps to retrain and reframe the thoughts and feelings from those of fear, to those of hope and positive belief. The hope that the outcome will be more favourable no matter how things seem or no matter what our body is telling us.
It’s important to take actual actions so that when those thoughts come you can quickly reposition and repurpose them.
Here are the four mental actions that can alter the feelings of fear.
Catch it! Catch that fear thought. Give yourself authority and permission to pause and catch those fear inducing thoughts. Catch them and say, "Caught You!" catch those thoughts before they become depressive, defeating, and disabling feelings of fear.
Coin it! Give that fear thought a label. This is not the truth. I know that 80 % of what we fear never comes true. Even if this doesn’t go as I expect, it will be feedback not failure and be ok with feedback. Tell yourself feedback is good. When you coin the fear, it no longer rules you.
I will not allow this fearful thought to control me, I choose not to allow this because it's not helpful to me. Besides, what’s the worst thing that can happen. There’s nothing new under the sun. I know many other people who probably have gone through the exact thing I fear now. I am going past this and whether the result is positive or negative, I will be proud of myself for going through this. I will not have any guilt or shame for breaking past this terror barrier, but just personal pride.
Tune in and turn to thoughts, feelings and an attitude that serves you.
Identify a practice that serves and works best for you.
Eg taking deep belly breaths accompanied by positive affirmations about your worth as a person.
Meditation practices.
Becoming aware of the meridians in the body that stimulate relaxation feelings and practices such as EFT.
Reward yourself along the way for the slightest hurdle that you jump and overcome.
Contact angie@raisingremarkableteenagers.com with any additional questions.
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