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5 Devastatingly Damaging Effects Of Domestic Abuse On Children, Even When Not Directed At Them.

Updated: Aug 19, 2020

Domestic Abuse in any family has deadly and detrimental effects on children even when it is not directed at children.


Children and teenagers who observe or experience the fear that domestic abuse imbues, can be left with horrible horrible digs within their minds, bodies and souls.

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Author: Angela Karanja | Child Psychologist, Researcher, Educator, Parent | June 2020




Most people believe that if their relationship is toxic or there is abuse between the parents or partners, that this does not affect the children. However research has shown that where parents are in toxic conflict i.e when one is abusing the other or when both are engaged in abusive behaviour towards each other, this affects children negatively even dangerously.


Does what happen behind closed doors truly stay behind closed doors?


Not so with domestic abuse.


In fact, like slithery slime, domestic abuse between parents slips and seeps into the hearts of young minds and destroy their faith and trust in humanity, then destroys the young bodies. Children and teenagers can sense when something isn't quite right no matter how much as parents we try and hide it.


Domestic abuse in a family is like a monster!

So bad a monster is domestic abuse that it engulfs the kid, tearing down their very fiber of safety and strength and robs the kid their rightful healthy emotional,mental and social development.


Although domestic abuse happens mostly in secret and it is hard to pinpoint which family is experiencing domestic abuse, there are obvious signs that indicate that a child has experienced domestic abuse, even when they were not the direct target.


Now, leaving an abusive relationship is not an easy task for anyone. Those of us who have left know damn right it wasn't easy. From reading hundreds of reports of people who have fled, and those who have personally told me, i can confirm this is not easy.


But to stay in a toxic relationship and suffer, many people give themselves various reasons. founded or unfounded, they must give themselves a reason. Otherwise how would you justify to yourself that it is ok to be abused and treated so awfully by someone who is supposed to be loving you?

Top reason most people give for sticking to toxic and abusive relations is


"I am staying in this (toxic, abusive, bad) relationship for the sake of the kids"


If You Are A Parent Who Says that Let's Have A Look At What You Are Actually Doing.


Here is what you are subjecting your child to when you stay in a toxic and abusive relationship in the name of sticking in and doing it for them.

  1. Denying your child the right to a safe and secure environment.

  2. Robbing your child their rightful healthy emotional, mental and social development.

  3. Causing your child to develop psychological and behavioural problems.

  4. Contributing to your child developing learning difficulties as well as limiting your child’s social skills.

  5. Contributing to your child's likelihood of suffering depression and anxiety.


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As you have seen, Domestic Abuse even when not directed at the children and young people has deadly and devastating effects.


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Please see below organisations that can help you if you are in a domestic abuse situation and now having learnt how this affects children, you require assistance and support to resolve the situation.

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